Mentoring: An Eternal Perspective

By Aline Simpson

A little while ago I attended a big Christian Conference… I went feeling excited, but fairly tired and frustrated, particularly in relation to mentoring. A couple of mentoring sessions hadn't quite gone to (my!) plan, and was starting to develop thoughts around how I could finish a mentoring relationship that felt stagnant and heavy. 

 

The conference was a fantastic one, where fresh ideas were shared and new friendships were formed. In the final main gathering, Miriam Swaffield (Fusion), and Jenny Baker (Sophia Network), shared their thoughts on having an eternal perspective in youth work. They creatively and very engagingly used Paul's teaching in 2 Corinthians 4 provide a fresh understanding on what we should be seeking to focus on in our ministry.

18 So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal. 


For me, this was my awakening. The conference could have simply contained a single talk with the above verse read out from the stage. Fix our eyes on what is unseen. In mentoring, it is so easy to become disillusioned with the idea that we are ineffective mentors, when mentees "go around in circles" with particular life choices or behaviours, and don't respond well to feedback or advice. Although Paul's teaching here was related to focussing on eternal glory, the principles can be applied well for mentors to gain perspective in times of frustration. If we look directly at the trials of those we mentor; if the mind is fixed wholly on them, and we think of nothing else, they appear heavy and long. But if we choose to turn our eyes and focus on what is unseen - the thought processes, the silent understanding, the internal changes happening, the perspective changes entirely. For it is in the unseen where God works the most deeply in us, if we allow Him. 

This has led me to pray differently (or perhaps additionally, rather than differently!) for my mentees, in 2 ways: 

1) That God would work deeply on what is unseen in those that I mentor, to enable deep-rooted foundations to be established and nurtured. And in turn, that the fruit of the unseen would have impact on what is seen. 

2) That my perspective as a mentor will remain eternal; even where mentoring not last forever, that the frustrations "of the moment" do lead me to loose heart or influence the potential of the future. 

24hr mentoring retreat...

I've just had my annual 24hr retreat with my spiritual director (which happens to be Paul Wilcox!).
We meet at other times in the year for shorter lengths of time, but this longer mentoring time in the form of a 24hr retreat, has become a firm part of my yearly rhythm which I wouldn't miss for anything. For me it is:

1. A time to Slow down and take the long view:
Alan Nelson says  'the sheer speed of life combined with our human nature, pulls away from being centred on God'.
These last 24 hours I've been able to pull myself out of the furious flow of ministry leadership to regain perspective and, with a trusted friend who knows me well, ponder key questions.

2.  A time to re - purpose:
This time always helps me look back to see where I've meandered away from 'the disciplines' and realign with that intentional way of living I know is the way.

3. A time to celebrate what's good:
Celebrating the successes is as important as facing the failure. I'm thankful for the gracious way my mentor deals with me and after what has been a tough few months being able to have time over good food, a warm fire, to laugh, chew the cud, as well as time to pray, listen and read God's word does my soul a power of good!

As we drive back from the retreat centre of choice I always feel such peace, spiritual centredness, appreciation of having the process of mentoring in my life and real hope for the future!

More Quotes from mentors on the Cliff Course!

"My current mentor has helped me come through tough temptations in my ministry and has thus enabled me to continue in the pastorate.  My current pastorate is in Llanbadarn Fynydd, Mid Wales and I have been there for twenty years thanks to someone mentoring me."
Haydn Davies


"I use mentoring in my work to help young people and students move forward in their faith. I am excited about the growth that we will see and be able to celebrate as these mentoring relationships continue."
Susie, York, Youth & Student Worker.


"Mentoring for my wife and I has allowed us to be more focused in the way that we look at our pastoral roles in a church setting, and it is developing us individually and as a couple as well as the people we are involved with."
Alan & Andrea Fereday
Pastoral Assistants
Dales Christian Centre, Matlock, Derbyshire


"Mentoring is empowering, confidence building and transforming! Romans 12 v1"
Sue Waldron, Tewkesbury


"Having sat under the guidance of Paul Wilcox and his colleagues, I have had a desire ignited to see mentoring as a form of intentional discipling being the bedrock on which my ministry amongst students and young adults is built."
Jonny Libby. Young Adults Worker / Plymouth University Chaplain



“Mentoring has given me permission and encouragement to continue doing what I have naturally been doing for years, thus releasing me into a renewed ministry of purpose, value and godly fulfilment. Mentoring: giving something back to God, through investing in others who are also on the journey of faith and discipleship.”
Tim Cutting
Church-based ‘Discipleship Pastor, Milton Keynes

TMN video Interview from Youthwork The Conference

Quotes: #Mentoring week at Cliff College

“Mentoring is the heart of what I believe my ministry to be about; making disciples, and empowering & releasing them to the glory of the Father, for the kingdom of Jesus Christ in the power of the Holy Spirit.
Carl Hodges, Pastor, Ealing,  London.


"Mentoring has given me an effective tool to help myself and others lead a fuller, more satisfying and more God honouring  life."
Andrina Downie. Salvation Army Officer Inverness.


"For me mentoring continues to challenge my limits and develop my own potential, and in my ministry it helps me to unlock the potential of others, enabling them to be all they were created to be."
Laurence Bennett, Christchurch, Divisional Youth Officer for The Salvation Army


"The impact mentoring has had is... that through mentoring sessions a call into Diaconal ministry was discerned... Diaconal ministry is about walking along side people as is mentoring so the two are intertwined as part of my calling."
Ian Rossiter, Taunton

Thoughts of a schools mentor - Helle Sewell

Hi my name is Helle and I’m a Schools Worker in North Shields. (Google maps will give you a beautiful picture of the sea and the mouth of the river Tyne!)  I work for the Methodist Church but the LEA likes me to act as an RE Tutor so overall I have access to any schools in North Tyneside! I primarily work in High Schools (13 - 18year olds) and one Middle School (7-13 year olds). My main task is to provide lunchtime clubs, take assemblies and teach RE lessons on a specific topic e.g. Who is God? , Why Jesus?, Easter, The Bible etc. …in fact anything that the teachers find difficult to teach or prefer it to be taught from a Christian point of view! I also facilitate for other Christian organisations to have access to schools and soon will be starting Romance Academy in one of the High Schools.

Mentoring really is a significant part of my work as I have regular contact with the same groups and teachers. So for example I have a Philosophy Club at one of the schools and the oldest members of this club have been coming for 3 years.  I get to find out how are things with them at home, at school, with their friends. They take me on the journey of their life and I get an opportunity to support by listening or asking open-ended questions, which help them to come to solutions to their problems by having someone to think it through with them.

I also have regular contact with the teachers who similarly have problems with different aspects of their lives. Some of these teachers are Christians and most are not. The support I give is equal. As a Christian I feel we have a duty of care, especially when we are gifted at mentoring, and offer them a chance to experience here on earth what Christians have when we walk through life with God by our side. Fortunately, I have time on my hands so find myself not rushing or trying to hurry the person who is speaking to me. I distinctly pray with the Christian teachers at their work place. They seem to find help in that as it can get overwhelming; and having time to stop and even pray is almost impossible for them.

An example of specific mentoring comes to mind, when one of the teachers (who is not a Christian but searching/looking/experiencing) discovered that her teenage daughter had scoliosis. This discovery took most of her energy and suddenly there was a need to lean on God. I did not pray with her at the time but told her that I would and promised that whenever she sent me text updates I would say a prayer. On the day of the operation and the critical hours that followed she could not have been more thankful for the calm and in control feeling that she felt. Our relationship now is on a different level and I'm continuously there for her.

I've started to look into aspects of counselling (although I do not wish to become a counsellor per se) so that I have basic skills and know the limits. In reality I cannot cure anybody, not that I wish to, but I understand what it means to ask the right sort of question and what a difference it makes to someone when they are cared for in simplest terms.

However this all is a journey for me too and although I'm a perfectionist I make mistakes and that hurts. So I know that the spirit of discernment is essential both in understanding others and myself.

Helle Sewell
Helle comes from Estonia and originally moved to England in 1995 to study Applied Theology at Cliff College. She then spent a year working in 'community' ie. in ASDA and then in a local Pub - great way to experience another culture!  In 2000 finished a PGCE at Sheffield Hallam and became an RE teacher at Chaucer Community College in Parsons Cross. In 2004 she moved to the North East because her Husband got stationed in Whitley Bay. She then worked as a Supply teacher and in 2005 I got offered a job as a schools worker for the Whiley Bay and North Shields Circuit. They have one child. 

A quick reflection from the Cliff College teaching week

God is stirring people’s passions for mentoring.  As I’m sitting and reflecting on all that I and 33 others have been learning so far on the mentoring training week at Cliff College, it is evident that God has placed a passion or perhaps even a burden for mentoring on many people’s hearts.  It’s been an honour and a privilege to journey with people this week; to learn from one another, to share stories that encourage and challenge, to grow in wisdom and understanding, and to tap into God's heartbeat for authentic and intentional relationship building.  There is a movement building; a vibrancy and vitality that is in evidence this week.  Mentoring is a tool which God is using to transform lives and make disciples. 

I know that in my own work, God has really been blessing the investment of time and energy in the people I meet and mentor.  I'm excited and delighted about what God is doing, and it is such an honour to play a part in God's purposes and plans in this growing mentoring movement.  At Cliff College this week, its been an amazing journey of discovery and rediscovery.  The stories have been life giving and empowering.  People have been incredibly open and honest and that authenticity and vulnerability is great a model for my own mentoring relationships.  Its been such a blessing to be a part of this week, and God hasn't finished yet.  I get the sense that God has turned a page in the story of mentoring to start a new and exciting chapter.  I cannot wait to see how the story unfolds... 

Mark Crawford

The thoughts of a mentee... Ruth Chamley

I have had the joy and opportunity to both be a mentor and be mentored myself.  Being mentored has had a great impact on my life and has affected some of the decisions that I have made.  I personally have been mentored by Aline Simpson (an amazing lady!) who has been there through the tough and good times of my life.  Being mentored is not pressured and there’s no forced way to do it -  just a wonderful friendship and someone to talk who may have experienced similar obstacles in life.  I have had quite a few challenges in my life and Aline has not only built my confidence but challenged me to view something in a different way that I perhaps had not seen in the beginning.

Through the positive experience that I have had being mentored I continue to mentor some young people myself and try to be a benefit to them in the same way as I have had.  I have really seen firsthand the influence that having a positive role model in mentoring can be. It has helped me on both my journey with God, with day to day life and has inspired me to be a mentor and do the same for other young people; to give them that same opportunity. My experience in being a mentor instead of mentee has been a great privilege because it has allowed me to have an insight into the life of that young person; the young person has also been honest about situations in their life that they don’t feel they can talk to anyone about.

Generally, we meet in a relaxed environment like a coffee shop or café to have a snack/drink. This makes the situation comfortable and allows the young person to say as little or as much as they want to. I have had experiences where I have just listened and others where I have felt it was right to give input. A challenging part of mentoring is gaining the young person’s trust; where they feel they can let their guard down and be more vulnerable about their true feelings.

Mentoring is not to stay stuck in the past but to guide and help the young person move forward in a positive way in their life.  God has shown me through the mentoring experience that I can use my own difficult times to help young people and because of this I believe that every experience - whether good or bad  - shapes and moulds us into the people we become and closer to the people God wants us to be. The choice is whether to become bitter about the difficult situations or to see God in the centre continually watching over us.

Although it’s not easy, I have seen that God uses all experiences to either help other people or strengthen our character, for this reason I know that I have used my experiences to advise and mentor young people and develop a positive relationship that is continuous.

 Mentoring aims to develop the whole person and to walk alongside them in relationship as they walk forward in their life and relationship with God.  I know that my mentoring journey has been invaluable to my life and I hope to use all the experiences and lessons that I have learnt along the way to be part of a support network for more young people in the future.

Ruth Chamley

Spoken Groove Parables #1 - What Boys Need

http://spokengroove.com/

In the first of our guest articles may we introduce Peter Nevland - an incredible poet and musician from Austin Texas whose infectious and thought provoking performances (not poetry but "spoken groove") are wowing audiences both here and across America.  I remember well the feelings I had when I first heard him perform material on this theme.  If you have a heart for Mentoring you cannot fail to be moved by this!  You can find more of his work at www.spokengroove.com - hopefully we will soon have a video of him performing to accompany :-)
Joel

Three blond tufts of hair sprouting from his chin and both sides of his head shouted "ADVENTURE!" after a gig in small-town Canada...

A blog entry after a mentoring session

Tom Collins' Blog (one of Paul's Mentorees and a friend of TMN!).  Do have a read!
http://thetomcollins.blogspot.com/2011/07/step-to.html?spref=fb

In "Christian Love"

The Following is a mail from Carson Pue - a well respected voice on Mentoring. You can subscribe to his emails here on his blog...

Dear Paul,

A short time ago, I sat beside a leader who serves in an executive position with a Christian charity. We chatted about her role and I asked her about her career background.

This opened up a very interesting conversation for, prior to working for a Christian ministry, she had been a high performing executive in the corporate world. Because, at Arrow, I have recently been researching how we might help develop more women in their leadership roles, I asked, “As a leader, what has surprised you most about the move from the corporate world to the ministry world?”

Two things came to her mind immediately and her facial expression showed me that she thinks about these things. In my mind, I was surmising I may hear about the lack of metrics used to judge progress, the pleasant working environment compared to the cut throat business she was in, or perhaps the great sense of fulfillment she was receiving personally through her new role.

Instead she shared, “I was unprepared for how being a woman in leadership still draws some reticence from people. In the corporate world the gender barrier has largely been dealt with. There are competency barriers both men and women have trouble overcoming, but I never felt treated differently because I was a woman.”

She went on to say that the senior leadership team treated her very well and she was really enjoying her new job however the awkwardness came more frequently from support staff.

“I can handle this; it just surprised me. What hurts more is how other Christians speak to me when they are upset,” she mentioned as her second surprise. “During my first month on the job, I had to deal with a very difficult situation and everyone had an opinion on how it should be handled. Those who were not happy with our decision would call me and say horrible things. During the call they would tell me that this was all being said, ‘In Christian Love.’"

How sad to hear. Come on people - "In Christian Love" - seriously? I suspect that every time you hear this phrase it is meant to buffer some attack from a Christian brother or sister. What kind of love is this?

Jesus was once asked what was most important in life (Matthew 22: 36-40). In His response to the question, Jesus summarized the message of God's law: be loving.

"Love the Lord your God…love your neighbor."

The primary demand of the law is an all-out love relationship with the Lord. The secondary is an unselfish love toward every other person - including other Christians. We are to love others "as ourselves" and to give others the consideration and care that we have given to ourselves throughout our lives. Jesus later intensified this second command by saying, "A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another; as I have loved you…" (John 13:34).

My leadership colleague had been spoken to so crudely that my immediate response was to get names and addresses – we could fix this in an Irish way. But this definition of the law applies to me too.

To the Point,

Carson Pue

Ten Quick Characteristics of Effective Mentors!

1. Effective mentors understand that living is about giving
2. Effective mentors see mentoring as a process that requires perseverence
3. Effective mentors open their world to their mentoring partners
4. Effective mentors help mentoring partners align passion and work
5. Effective mentors are comforters that share the load
6. Effective mentors help turn personal values into practice
7. Effective mentors model character
8. Effective mentors affirm the value of spirituality
9. Effective mentors recognise that Mentoring + Reproduction = Legacy
10. Effective mentors go for it!

Paul Wilcox

Mike Breen Blog - Obituary of the church!

Mike Breen is always good value! Have a read of this article on his blog. He says from time to time he gets the people he is discipling to write their own obituary to see where they think the Devil would most likely try to take them out! He then tries this out on the church as a whole! Very interesting!

http://mikebreen.wordpress.com/2011/07/05/obituary-for-the-american-church/

Re: Christian Leadership course - details

Hi all - please check out these courses that we are involved with...

Christian Mentoring and Coaching 2011

From 31st October - 4th November 2011 at Cliff College

Cost: £350 inc meals/accommodation in single study/bedroom and all materials

£250 inc all materials

For anyone involved in mentoring and coaching who want to increase their skills and be more e ffective in what they do. It will address issues around volunteer mentoring and also those around people who are paid for the mentoring they offer.

http://www.cliffcollege.ac.uk/page/certificate_in_christian_mentoring_and_coaching

Certificate and Diploma in Christian Leadership

Week 1 (Certificate) - Monday 28th November - Friday 2nd Decmber 2011

Week 2 (Diplo ma) - Monday 26th March - Friday 30th March 2012

Cost: £350 per week, which includes all training, materials, accommodation in single study bedroom and meals.

This course is for Christians involved in leadership at various levels and in different contexts, who want to reflect on their practice and effectiveness.

To graduate with the certificate, you will need to attend the first residential week, and complete two pieces of assessed work.

To graduate with the diploma, you will need to attend two residential weeks and complete 4 pieces of assessed work.

http://www.cliffcollege.ac.uk/page/certificate_and_diploma_in_christian_leadership

Link: Mentoring Young People Article

Check out this link to an article on mentoring that might be useful in getting your thoughts flowing as it did for me.

http://threadsmedia.com/lead/article/the-biblical-model-of-mentoring/